Monday, October 10, 2011

Infertility: Staying In Agreement With Your Spouse

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened."
-Matthew 7:7,8 

Prayer is the lifeline of a believer when he or she is pulled by the currents of trials and tribulations. When prayer becomes as natural as the air we breathe, it opens up opportunities for God to answer our prayers. Mind you, His answers may not be the ones we specifically seek, but there is always the promise of an answer.

If you are a couple dealing with infertility, these may be times of frustration, anger, and hopelessness. According to medical terms, a couple is infertile after at least a year of unprotected sex. For most couples, once this dreaded deadline passes, it is the beginning of innumerable medical tests and painful poking and prodding. When they eventually learn that they have remote chances of conceiving naturally, it takes them on an emotional and spiritual rollercoaster ride. The stress of whether to go in for fertility treatments, adoption, or simply wait on God for a miracle can be too much to bear, even for a Christian couple.

Couples struggling with infertility go through a whole range of emotions. But, the ones that weigh in the most are feelings of being abandoned by God and a sense of incompleteness. If you relate to this problem, then I want you to know that God has not abandoned you. Being 'childless' does not make you any less in the eyes of your Maker.

If you and your spouse cannot come to an agreement on the path to take (adoption or assisted reproduction), it may do you a world of good to surrender your future to God's perfect will. As we see in Mathew 7: 7-8, continuous prayer leads to receiving, finding, and opening of doors of opportunities. The Bible declares that when two or more of God's children come together in His name, He is in their midst. Spend time everyday in prayer as a couple. Welcome God into your marriage, ask Him to strengthen you as a couple during this difficult time, seek His wisdom and will concerning your options, and knock on the doors of Heaven until it opens up its blessings for you and your spouse.

I worked with Lisa and Thomas many years ago through Lifetime Adoption Center, as they were in deep disagreement over the route to build their family. Lisa had endured seven unsuccessful attempts at intra-uterine insemination and she was ready to start adoption. Thomas came from a large Italian family that valued children and family heritage.

When speaking with them at length, it became very clear that something had to give. Lisa was exhausted of the shots, the attempts, and the monthly failure. Thomas feared that an adopted child would not be readily accepted in his family since the true Italian bloodline would not be preserved. We prayed together, asking that God would give Lisa strength if she was to continue, Thomas courage if he decided to speak with his family about adoption, and both of them wisdom to understand that in following God’s perfect plan, the decision they made would be blessed by Him.

Today, they have a beautiful 6-year-old daughter, placed in their arms the day of her birth. She is wholly and lovingly accepted into Thomas’ proud, Italian family as God intended.

The Word of God declares children to be a material and spiritual blessing: they are to take care of us in our old age and are our heritage. God will never deny you this blessing. It is His desire that every one of His child bears fruit, physically and spiritually. As a Christian couple, I urge you to believe that God has a definite plan for your parenthood and that He is in control, even though your life seems to be in turmoil. Let prayer unite you in all the areas where you are not in agreement with your spouse, so that you can make godly decisions for your future.

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